A diary entry from October 15th 2013

Today I very much wanted to work on my voice. Work out how to get my message across - feel like I was saying something genuine, something of significance.

I like the idea of sketches. Particularly sketches about systems and networks. How everyone is connected, and human society grows like an organism, each little autonomous cell influencing each other one. We are like a neural network.

And I wanted to illustrate how these autonomous nodes make up an ebbing and flowing tide, with each individual or group potentially changing the direction of the tide. We are all connected, we all influence each other, we all have power to change the flow of the tide, but we also are swept along by it. I find this vision inspiring but not intimidating. Any one of us can be the instigator of a change of direction, but we are under no pressure to be.

Hmm. Some academics probably study sentient fluids.... Like traffic. That would be an interesting topic.

People grow and develop in this way too. We rush or stagnate through deliberate or accidental events. We are none of us ultimately in control. I believe this absolves any one person of too much responsibility, but at the same time we are all responsible. I wish I could communicate this idea succinctly. I hope a vision like this can lead to people judging each other less. It's hard to explain how.

I think this is like a hacker's vision. There are endless possibilities for this organism. No-one knows where it will go. There is no defined end-goal. We are constantly discovering. Every individual life is a unique exploration. There can be no higher goal than to explore, finding solutions and perspectives that are unique, continuing the exploration.

This is hacking - life is hacking.

But somehow I feel like I'm letting down this purpose. I am not exploring as much as I could be. I'm somewhat stagnating. I'd like to be inspiring people, and communicating my thoughts and ideas honestly. I certainly feel like I have thoughts and ideas, unique perspectives, and my current job and my current lifestyle are not realising one tenth of them. How to solve this?

That'll do for now. Goodnight, diary.